Tikki Tikki Tembo*

“Tikki-Tikki-Tembo-No-Sa-Rembo-Chari-Bari-Ruchi–Pip-Peri-Pembo!”

This is a phrase I loved to rattle off as a child. According to my brother, 8 years my elder, I used to run up to him randomly, rattle that off, and then refuse to tell him what it was all about. (I, personally, do not remember that part.) The phrase is the name of a young boy in the story, and his family addressed him by his full name as an honor of being first born.

In trying to think up this week’s blog, I hit a blank wall. So I thought perhaps if I decided on the title first, it would inspire me. What lodges in my mind? You guessed it! Tikki Tikki. A childhood book and its relation to mindfulness? Don’t think so. Can I relate it to Pilates? Nope! Diet? Nope. Health? Hmmm…maybe??

In the story, Tikki Tikki Tembo falls into a well, and almost drowns, because his breathless little brother cannot get the long name out to tell adults what happened. I’ve fallen down a well — metaphorically. And it took far too many words to get help. And it was adult society that rendered me breathless.

You see, in my family you ‘pick yourself up by your own boot-straps’. In my part of the world, you ‘pick yourself up by your own boot-straps’. Depression is just ‘a mood’, and you are required to ‘get over it’ or outlast it until your mood shifts. Even once it became popularly acknowledged that there was an actual illness by the name “Depression” and differentiated from a “depressed mood”, it was still addressed the same way. Why? Because you did NOT want to have a mental illness. It was better to be a sullen weakling than mentally ill.

In this atmosphere, in this society, you can end up exhausting yourself trying to climb out of a deep well alone by yourself. All the time you are scrabbling to get up and out, water may be rising around your feet. If you notice the water, you become scared, which renders you even more breathless. You know there are people out there with a ladder, but who and where? It’s a sad truth that you may know you need help, and be willing to accept help, but have no ability to call out because it takes too many words.

What do I mean? If you are actively suicidal, you can call a help line, which is a great blessing. But what if you are not that far down the tunnel, yet can see the darkness coming? What do you do? When you still have your $#it together enough to want privacy, and need connection with something more personal than a voice on a phone, what do you do? How many people know the answer? Very few.

What you will probably find is a list of ideas of things you might try, or a list of people who might be able to tell you who to call next — each of which will require explanations, and self-revelations that may feel brutal. At any step in this chain of people and ideas, your energy may give out. At any point you may slide further down. I was lucky. I listened to people throughout my life, and when danger loomed large enough, I knew someone I could call to cut through the lists. I was also lucky enough to still be able to discern my needs and state them: “…I need help. It needs to be a woman; she needs to be a bit older than me, and if she doesn’t have a sense of humor it won’t work…”

My point with all of the above is that we need to prepare for mental ailments just as we do for physical sickness. Our healthcare system is not set up for annual psych exams like our annual physical exams, but in our own way we should prepare. If you break out in a rash, you probably already know of a doctor you can call. It should (ideally) be the same if you have a mental case of hives.

Listen – Learn about the psychiatric offerings in your area; just like you listen to people review their doctors, and house builders, and their car mechanics; try to get some insight on who is good, or even just insight on who-knows-who.

Think Ahead – What qualities would a person need to have for you to connect with them at your lowest, or most fearful? What do you trust? What experiences should be understood? Who would you respect? If you ask the average American woman what she wants in a gynecologist, she will have some sort of answer. Ask the same woman what she would want in a shrink? Blank stare.

Know – Learn the difference between a counselor and a psychiatrist – not just the difference in their academic degrees – know that the psychiatrist is a doctor who works on chemistry, and that a counselor works on skills; know whether your state allows one person to do both jobs (mine does not); if the need arises, ask whether your condition benefits most from one, or the other, or BOTH together.

Be Mindful – Set yourself a reminder; make a benchmark: vow to yourself that you will get any aid you need before you are in a full crisis. After all, if you see a cold coming, you do not hesitate to take Vitamin C and get extra sleep – if you see a rough time ahead please do not hesitate to make a call.

*Tikki Tikki Tembo by Arlene Mosel and Blair Lent (Illus.) is a book from my kindergarten year, which is still popular today. (Although I suspect it is not a terribly PC tale, when you really look at it…?)